I think the reason Jensen and I got along so well was because we didn't really go about bonding... It didn't feel like a blind date. It felt like we were continuing a relationship as opposed to saying, 'All right, we're supposed to hang out with each other...' or something. We just sort of hung out... We just hit it off immediately. There's no rhyme or reason to what happened.
Jared Padalecki in Supernatural Magazine, Issue 2.
you give your hand to me, and then you say hello
and I can hardly speak, my heart is beating so
It started with a hug.
Jensen Ackles did not ordinarily go around hugging people he didn’t know, or even hugging people he did know, truth be told, but he made an exception for Jared Padalecki, his fresh-faced new co-star. And okay, Jared started it, but it was just a hug. That sounds pretty innocent, right? After all, how could something life-altering begin with a hug? A simple, uncomplicated embrace. An affectionate hello. That was all it was intended to be: Hi, how are you? It’s good to meet you. We’re going to be working together maybe possibly hopefully.
It was never supposed to mean something.
It was never meant to mean everything.
Actually, come to think of it, perhaps it had started with a handshake. It’s just that the hug had eclipsed that first brief moment they’d held hands, and the memory of it lay in some forgotten corner of his mind.
Tsunamis always start out as ripples, and no one ever remembers their humble beginnings deep in the placid seas, only the destruction they wreak once they get going, and how they end.
that's all I've ever been
‘cause you don’t know me
Still, in the grand scheme of things, it didn’t really matter how it all began.
And he couldn’t really foretell how it would all end – good things always had to, right? – but he was pretty sure that he’d never be the same once it did.
This middle bit, though, the part they were living through right here, right now? Best friends. Brothers. Working together. Playing together. Living in each other’s space and breathing the same air and becoming one another’s family? This was worth getting up before the sun in the morning. This was worth exhausting days and sleepless nights and hardly having a life outside of work. This grew and flourished, suddenly, unexpectedly, and it morphed into something else, something Jensen didn’t recognize or realize until it was much too late.
Falling in love – now that he finally knew what love really was – was worth it all, and Jared was everything Jensen had never known he’d wanted.
To Jensen, for the first time in his life, this was special, this was something to remember, something to cherish. This was love.
though my heart aches with love for you
afraid and shy, I let my chance go by
the chance that you might love me too
This love meant he had something and someone to live for, and it was terrifying, like free-falling without a parachute, and it was thrilling, like flying, and this love made him whole.
This love meant he had something and someone to die for, because it killed him, bit by bit, watching Jared love Sandy. It cut deep, it hurt to breathe, but Jensen smiled through it all, and this love tore him apart.
Then, without a fair fight, without even realizing that he had to fight, that he should’ve fought – hard, dirty, long, tirelessly – Jensen lost and Sandy won.
The temptation to take what he wanted, to covet what wasn’t his, was overwhelming, but he found himself putting Jared first: Jared’s happiness, Jared’s well-being, and Jared’s love and Jared’s life before his, while his life, his existence, as he’d known it, fell apart.
But Fate stepped in, as it was wont to do, just when you least expected it to, and Sandy lost.
But Jensen didn’t win.
you give your hand to me, and then you say goodbye
I watched you walk away beside that lucky girl
How do you make the one you love, love you back? Because for Jensen, love was a whole new game and he didn’t know the rules.
How do you make a straight guy gay? Because even though he’d gone through it himself, Jensen had never been more lost in his life.
How do you keep from standing still while he moves on? Because Jared and Genevieve were suddenly in motion, and Jensen was stuck in limbo.
If you love someone, set them free, right?
the one that loves you so
‘cause you don’t know me
Well, fuck that shit.
It was like a needle scraping across the vinyl record of his life: Stop. This is it for you. He’s The One. Go, and a different song began, one he no longer knew the words to, but he liked the sound of it, music and lyrics speaking to him every time Jared looked at him or smiled or breathed or just…was.
Jensen wasn’t a quitter; he’d never given up on anything without a fight, and he knew what he wanted now, and he’d never wanted anything as much as he wanted a life and a love with Jared.
It was time to lay everything on the line: his heart and mind, his body and soul, all there for Jared to take or leave. It was frightening. It was exhilarating. And if Chad and Danneel and Bridget O’Malley were to be believed, it was now or never.