qblackheart (qblackheart) wrote in the8threalm,
qblackheart
qblackheart
the8threalm

The Courtship of Jensen's Co-Star: Four






these feelings won't go away
they've been knockin' me sideways
they've been knockin' me out lately
whenever you come around me



The thing was, if someone was bound to notice sooner or later, it figured that it had been his mother.

Growing up, it had always been his dad and Josh, his mom and him, and Mackenzie was everyone’s pet. Still, not for nothing had Jensen spent most of his adult life learning to hide behind that veneer he projected when he was in the limelight; it’s just that sometimes he forgot that his mother could see right through his every mask, and straight into the heart of him, right into his head, and often, she saw what he couldn’t see himself.

As a child growing up, that uncanny ability, her peculiar gift when it came to him, had been annoying.

Jensen was grateful that at least some things stayed the same, even as he cursed himself for being so easy to read.





“What are you doing, Jensen?”

“Having a beer, watching the game?”

“Don’t try my patience, baby boy. You’re like a shell of yourself.”

“I’m fine, Mom. I’m just dandy.”

Dandy, huh? And if that doesn’t prove my point…”

“Stop worrying.”

“Can’t. It’s a mother’s prerogative. I do it because I love you, baby, you know that.”

“I know. I know you do. So trust me when I tell you…I’ll be fine.”

“If you say so, Jensen.”

“I say so. I’ll be fine.”

“You know you can talk to me ‘bout anything, right? Whatever’s bothering you, whatever it is, we’re family, we stick together. That’s what we do.”

“Thick and thin.”

“Darn tootin’.”



 



All this unrest he was feeling inside, that constant upheaval; it never seemed to go away.

When Danneel was with him, it simply faded to a vague humming in his ears, an incessant buzzing like the kind you heard standing near a bee hive, or when you held a conch up to your ear to hear the ocean. It never completely quieted but instead remained, not even at the back of his mind, but at the forefront, niggling away at him.

It built to a crescendo when Jared smiled at him sometimes, but having him around also calmed it, and Jensen could relax into that blessed silence.






“It’s nice.”

“What is?”

“The way you are with Jared. I’ve never seen you like that with anyone; not Chris, not Steve, or even Jason, who is just as sweet and shy as Jared… You guys are close, you know?”

“Danni, we’re together all the damn time at work. And we get along, so yeah, we’re close.”

“I get that, Jensen. I’m just saying that you’re different with him.”

“Different how?”

“I don’t know. More real? More…you? I’ve never seen you so unguarded. I’m seeing a you that I didn’t even know existed!”

“He’s my best friend, Danni…”

“See? That’s what I’m saying! You take forever to make friends! You’ve known me and the guys for years, and you still hold back with us – and I’m your girlfriend now!”

“I’ve known Jared for years…”

Two years. That’s like nothing in that little vetting process that you make the rest of us go through.”

“I don’t have a process!”

“You totally do, Jensen, don’t lie. And I’m not saying it like it’s a bad thing; I know you have trust issues. I’m just saying that it’s nice. It’s so hard to be your friend sometimes, I’m glad Jared seems to have found the chink in your armor and gotten through to you! I think it’s cute.”

“It is not cute! There is nothing even remotely cute about me.”

“Pretty sure Jared said your freckles were cute. And you blushed. Like a girl.”

“I was not blushing!”

“Yeah, yeah. You tried to cover it up by choking on your beer, but you were so blushing!”

“Bitch. It’s not funny!”

“You’re right, you’re right. It was hilarious! Oh my God, if you’d only seen your face when you reached over to brush that eyelash off his cheek…”

“Shuddup!”

“So cute.”

“So embarrassing! God. Why’d you even bring that up? And if you call me cute one more time, I’m breaking up with you!”

“Quit pouting, you big baby! It’s just that I’ve never seen you that…vulnerable? And don’t take this the wrong way, Jensen. I just meant that you’re always this strong, silent type; a tough guy ‘til the end, but that thing with the eyelash was so damn sweet, and I know you... you don’t do that sort of thing…”

“Look, it’s just hard to forget that he’s not Sam and I’m not Dean sometimes, you know? I think that’s why it started – Dean’s always looking out for Sam, and I feel like I can’t let him down by not looking out for Jared!”

“It was an eyelash, Jensen, not evil incarnate. Don’t think I’ve seen Dean go quite that far…”

“I don’t know why I’m still dating you.”

“Because I’m sexy as fuck.”

“And modest too.”

“Damn straight, cowboy. Hey, how’re Chris and the guys getting along with him?”

“They like him. I mean, how can you not like Jared? Jesus, what?”

“I didn’t say anything…”

“Yeah, well, quit thinking stuff.”

“Chad talks about you sometimes, like he’s jealous, like you’ve taken Jared away from him.”

“I have. Tough shit.”

“Jensen…”

“I didn’t do it on purpose!”

“It’s not nice to gloat.”

“Whatever. Chad’ll live. And wasn’t the whole point of you flying up here so we could have hot sex?”

“You might’ve mentioned that once or twice…”

“So hey, you wanna?”

“Yeah, I wanna. But with Jensen, okay? Not Dean. Dumbass.”








Everyone talked about it; whether covertly or overtly, people talked.

For Christian Kane, Steve Carlson and Jason Manns – Jensen’s closest friends for eons – it hardly registered. But then again, they hadn’t really seen him and Jared together, the way they were in everyday situations. Maybe it was because Jensen was always more restrained with his PDAs with them around, or maybe it was because when they got together, they were too drunk to notice anything but the need to refill their glasses. They never commented, except maybe to crack a codependency joke or two, but it was never anything specific, and Jensen knew them well enough to know that they weren’t talking behind his back either. They were just his friends in blissful ignorance.

Their fans, on the other hand, were somehow under the impression that theirs was the love story of the millennium, and despite Sandy’s and Danneel’s existence, and ample evidence to the contrary, they kept right on thinking that Jensen and Jared were in secret love with each other, much to the amusement of Supernatural’s production team.

So yeah, people talked, but nobody took it seriously. It was only Chad who kept looking at him funny, because damned if having him around didn’t make Jensen more possessive of Jared, and it was Chad who first called him on it, straight to his face, no beating around the bush.

“I’ve been doing a little digging,” he said, squinting at Jensen from where he was sprawled out on the couch in Jared’s trailer, laptop balanced on his knees.

“Awesome,” Jensen responded dryly, completely uninterested in anything Chad had to say. “Where’s Jared?”

“He had to go do some sound work.”

Jensen had a moment of indecision: wait for Jared with Chad, or chill by his lonesome in his trailer? It should’ve been a no-brainer but Jared had already been making those stupid, pleading faces at Jensen’s recent inability to get along with Chad, and really, Jensen supposed he could make more of an effort; if Jared liked Chad then Jensen could suck it up and put up with him too. “I brought sandwiches.”

“Now, that’s what I’m talking about, bitch.” Chad gleefully rubbed his hands together, eyes on the Styrofoam boxes in Jensen’s hand. “Gimme.”

Getting as comfy on the other end of the couch as he could, Jensen relaxed for the first time that day. He sipped his strong, sweet coffee and sighed as the taste simultaneously rejuvenated him and calmed his senses.

Until Chad opened his big, fat, stupid mouth.

“So you’re in love with Jared, huh?” Precious caffeine spewed out of Jensen’s mouth as he sputtered and coughed, Chad cheerfully thumping his back. “Yeah, I figured it out. It took a little research but I’m smart and observant, and ‘sides, you guys leave it all out there for anyone with eyes to see, so…”

“The fuck are you talking about, asshole?”

“You,” Chad explained with exaggerated patience, “and my boy.”

“You’re a moron,” Jensen scoffed, not wanting to waste his breath on any further comment. He made to stand, but Chad yanked him back down again.

“I thought you might be a little resistant to the idea,” he said, keeping a firm hand on Jensen’s forearm as he scooted closer on the couch, “so I made a little presentation for your perusal and shit.”

Jensen blinked. That Chad even knew that a laptop had uses besides surfing the ‘net for porn and fanfiction shocked him, let alone his use of big words. “I’m leaving now…”

“Freeze, pretty boy,” Chad said, tightening his grip on Jensen, “and watch this: Exhibits A to Z. Jesus Christ.”

Chad abruptly dropped the laptop onto Jensen’s thighs, effectively trapping him, but before he could even think about escape, Chad started the presentation, and suddenly, quite against his will, Jensen was transfixed.

It wasn’t as if the images fading in and out on the screen in front of him were new to him. He’d looked at them numerous times before, either flicking through a magazine or from Jared googling their names when he was goofing off on the computer, but it felt like, for the first time, he was actually seeing them.

Jared’s arm was slung across the breadth of Jensen’s shoulders in almost every shot, like he had the deed to that particular piece of property on Jensen’s body, and was exercising his rights for the cameras, just so everyone else knew it too: Possession was nine-tenths of the law.

Image after image showed the two of them posing with broad smiles on their faces (mostly joyous, sometimes tired, occasionally hungover), coordinating outfits (well, they did call each other before they hit the red carpet together, for just that purpose; not because they were a couple of girls, but because neither of them wanted to show the other up), bodies pressed together like air had no business getting in between them.

Okay, so maybe their overzealous fangirls writing all that slash stuff (and Jensen would’ve given anything to not know what that meant) made a valid point.

They did look like a couple; happy and in love.

“Just thought you should know, man,” Chad said quietly as Jensen flipped the laptop shut at the end of the slideshow.

“It’s…” Jensen cleared his throat when his voice came out a little hoarse. “It’s not like that.”

“Oh, I know,” Chad assured him. “My question is: Do you want it to be?”

Jensen turned shocked eyes towards him, surprised to see Chad’s face devoid of anything even close to humor. “I’m not… I don’t…”

“Yeah, whatever, dude,” Chad said, shrugging, “I’m not into labels. I’m into love. No, wait - that's Jared. I'm into freaky sex. And if the freaky sex comes with love? Bonus.” Jensen swallowed hard and tried to quell the fear rising inside him. Chad sighed. “Look, Jensen, I’m not trying to con you into anything here. I’m not looking to sell you out. Jared is… Well, he’s Jared. I care about him and shit. He’s like a big kid, you know?” Chad snorted, and kept on rambling before Jensen had a chance to even open his mouth. “Look who I’m talking to – of course you know. What I’m saying is, Jared’s co-stars have a history of falling for him, man, and you are no exception. It’s totally not even your fault. I guess he’s lovable like that.”

“You were his co-star,” Jensen couldn’t help but point out.

Chad blinked. “Yeah, but I don’t wanna have his assbabies.” Jensen slugged him in the shoulder. Hard. “Ow, fucker! Don’t get your panties in a bunch, dude. All I’m saying is…”

“I don’t give a shit about what you think, Murray,” Jensen snarled low in his throat, “I’m not gay for Jared.”

“Are you gay, period?”

“No!”

“Just checkin’.”

“Asshole,” Jensen griped, not quite sure why he hadn’t punched Chad in the face for even insinuating that he was really (and not just fan-fictionally) in big, gay love with his co-star, “you of all people should know I’m in a relationship with Danni. You work with her!”

“And she’s smokin’ hot, dude.”

“Exactly.”

“Right. So shouldn’t you be a little worried that despite your sexy-ass girlfriend, you’re still up in Jared’s grille 24/7?” he asked, nodding down at the laptop, as if Jensen needed to be reminded of what he’d just seen. Chad stared at him until Jensen couldn’t meet his gaze any longer; then he sighed again. “Look – you wanna hide it from the world? That’s cool. I get it. But don’t kid yourself, dude.”

Jensen didn’t really have a comeback for that; he didn’t quite know what to say, or do, or think, and then he didn’t need to because Jared joined them and the conversation veered off into much safer territory, Chad thankfully giving away nothing of their earlier discussion.

He tried not to let it affect his interaction with Jared, but he didn’t think he was very successful on that front, not if Jared’s hurt looks were anything to go by every time Jensen inadvertently flinched away from him whenever Jared strayed anywhere close. After a long night at the bar, though, keeping his distance became exhausting to the point where he couldn’t take it anymore, so when Chad got up to get them more shots, Jensen looked his best friend in the eye for the first time that night, resignation on his face as Jared stared back just as steadily.

“You wanna tell me what’s wrong?” Jared asked, his voice carrying only slightly over the din of the crowded bar.

Jensen propped his chin on the rim of his beer bottle. “I’m an idiot.”

“I could’ve told you that.” Jared smirked, his eyes gentle as he playfully winked at Jensen.

“You like me anyway, right?”

“Dude. It’s what I like best about you,” Jared said, laughing as he slid along the bench of the circular booth they were sitting in, taking the place Chad had occupied all night and not stopping until he was pressed up against Jensen’s side, his long arm draping across the back of the seat, his big hand squeezing the nape of Jensen’s neck, ruffling his hair, palming his head, tugging him close enough to plant a sloppy kiss on Jensen’s temple, as if the past two hours that they’d spent not touching each other had starved him for affection. “We good?”

Jensen smiled and leaned into Jared’s warmth, feeling more comfortable in the past few seconds than he had all damn day long. “We’re golden.”







He’d thought it was the last he’d hear of it from Chad, but as was fast becoming the norm, he couldn’t have been more mistaken.

The way Chad looked at him sometimes – looked at them, him and Jared – always got his hackles up. He didn’t call attention to it, because Chad would only be around for a day or two at a time, and it wasn’t worth commenting on, and it wasn’t worth upsetting the unspoken truce the two of them had settled into as Jared’s two favorite friends.

That conversation with Chad stuck with him, long after the man himself had left. Then it seemed that every time Jensen went online, it became a battle not to look into it – whatever this was – himself. The very thought that he was in love with Jared was still preposterous to him, and he had yet to wrap his mind around it, no matter how rational the idea seemed, no matter how convincing the evidence looked. The idea of him falling in love, period, let alone falling in love with a man, was inconceivable. And yet, all these people they didn’t even know claimed to notice it, too. Why did they think love when they saw him with Jared, why not just friendship?

Maybe like the stars and Jared were so fond of claiming, Jensen was emoting without realizing it. Like love wasn’t an illogical option for him. Like a true Pisces. Christ.

It got to the point where one Sunday, he cried off from spending the day with Jared and Sandy (despite the stupidly adorable pout Jared had subjected him to) and decided to see for himself.

It made sense to start with Supernatural, because that’s what had gotten the fans going, but it didn’t take him long to realize that he wasn’t interested in Dean’s interaction with Sam, because everything they did to and for each other, they did for love and family. No, he wanted to see them out of character, so he started with the gag reel from their first season, and then the one from the second season, but all he could see was them, goofing off like they always did when they were together. So yeah, maybe the actual photographic evidence had been incriminating, but so far, he was relieved with how he came across on the screen, as Jensen and not Dean.

That lasted until he stumbled onto the footage of A Day in the Life of Jared and Jensen, the extra they had filmed for the first season.

It started out with them on a couch, pressed up close, as usual, but he could argue that that was just so they could both fit into the same shot. After the quick intro, the cameras rolled on Jared, who was of course at craft services, his favorite place on the lot bar none.

Two plates of food,” Jared told the camera, “here’s my steak and mushrooms and zucchini and rice. Here’s my chicken and fish,” he explained, opening up all his food containers as Jensen shook his head at the screen and smiled. “Then I’m going to come back and get the entrée; this is just the appetizer.”

See what I gotta put up with?” Jensen saw himself complain, doing a double take at the affectionate, adoring smile on his face as he met Jared’s eyes off camera.

Good goddamn, he looked like a besotted fool as he watched Jared walk away towards their trailers. Jensen knew he had joined his friend only minutes later, because they always ate together, but the camera didn’t get to see that; it was a bit too private. Instead, when the cameras rolled again, they’d been hanging out separately, in their own trailers, which was something that hardly ever happened any day in their lives.

Jensen watched as they fooled around in the make-up trailer later, and then he watched some more as he told their audience that Jared had bought him that electric-eye around his neck for his birthday. His eyes zeroed in on his hand on Jared’s shoulder, so casual, and yet so meaningful, because the last thing Jensen was, was a touchy-feely person. Of course then he saw Jared’s pleased little look, like he was giving himself props for getting Jensen a gift that he loved, but he was holding himself back in front of the cameras, so he followed it up with a satisfied thump or two on Jensen’s chest instead. Seconds later, Jared was showing off the tub full of rainbow-striped candy that Jensen had given him.

This is happiness for me,” Jared told their audience.

Jensen kept watching, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth as he remembered the snow-mobile rides, full on grinning at the playful little parka strip-tease Jared did for him in the crowded log cabin, as he noted how close he and Jared always stood together, no one else giving them a second thought or a curious look. Then he saw the end, groaning as he watched his head fall to Jared’s shoulder, eyes closed, as if he was settling in for a nap, looking as if that was something he did all the time, and okay, he did do it all the time, which was probably why it looked so natural, but why’d he have to go and share it with the world for fuck’s sake? And to top it all off, there was that look on Jared’s face again. Pleased. So pleased that it may have bordered on smug.


The next day on set, Jensen tried to catalogue his every move when it came to interacting with his co-star, and it hit him like a bullet train, knocking him right off his feet.

He found that his eyes tracked Jared wherever he went, and if he lost sight of him for whatever reason, it didn’t take long for Jensen to find him again. It was uncanny. It reminded him of one of those divining rods people had used to go doodle-bugging for ground water in the olden days; Jensen was pretty sure he had Jared-GPS embedded in his brain – either that or Jared had some sort of homing beacon that Jensen was eerily attuned to. He just hoped that didn’t make him a creepy stalker or something.

He found himself noticing minute little things about Jared because they were right there for him to see, and to remember, which he did, meaning that he’d looked and noticed them all before: the way sweat tended to pool in that little hollow of Jared’s throat, or the way the wet tips of Jared’s hair dampened patches on his t-shirt when he was fresh from the shower, or the way he licked the fake sugary blood on his face (or Jensen’s face) every opportunity he got, because he knew how much it grossed Jensen out.

He smiled and nodded appropriately as Jared spoke a mile a minute in between takes, regaling Jensen with some silly anecdote from a movie he’d seen, or a game he’d watched, or something Jeff or Megan had said or done, all the while flashing those dimples as he smiled and laughed and touched Jensen: a friendly squeeze of his shoulder, a sweet ruffle of his hair, a playful pat on his ass, a lewd leer at the tail end of one of those kissy faces he liked to taunt Jensen with, and Jensen’s favorite, that big, comforting hand over his heart.

Jensen found himself responding in kind, easy as you please, as if these public displays of affection came naturally to him, as if he did it with everyone.

At the end of the day, he found himself staring at his own hand, palm warm on Jared’s chest, over Jared’s heart, looking like it belonged there, for safe-keeping and protection too. It made all sorts of sense when Jared covered Jensen’s hand with his, holding him close with his other arm hooked around Jensen’s neck, pulling him in until their foreheads touched.

“That was awesome,” Jared said of the take. “Got it in one. You’re such a good actor, man. It’s crazy.” He grinned and shook his head while Jensen was struck momentarily speechless. “I mean, I should know it better than anyone, but sometimes you just blow me away. I love working with you.”

“Me too,” Jensen responded lamely. “I mean, I… You… Er…”

“Breathe, Jensen,” Jared soothed, laughing, and maybe the big dumbass knew Jensen a little too well. And maybe, Jensen conceded, that was a good thing.

“Me too.”

Jared kissed the top of his head, loud and smacking. “Love you, man.”

“Me too.”





Christ.

Jensen was a goner, and he supposed it was too much to hope that, of all the people who knew him in real life, only Chad would pick up on it.

He just never expected his mother to come right out and call him on it. He’d tried to keep it under wraps, his strange dependency on Jared, especially in front of his family. He tried to curb his enthusiasm when it came to anything to do with his co-star, but Donna Ackles was shrewd in that way only a mother can be, and she saw right through him.

When his parents had flown up for a quickie visit and Jared had conned Jensen’s father into a trip to the local hardware store, presumably to ask his opinion about some garden tool that Jared wanted (even though Alan was under strict instructions not to let Jared purchase anything sharp and pointy), his mother had cornered him and the interrogation began.

“Jensen,” she started, using that voice of hers that was soft, yet serious, and brooked no argument or interruption until her point was made, “you know I adore that boy.”

“You and everyone else,” Jensen muttered, a little under his breath, and he winced as Donna stared him down.

“I understand that y’all are best friends and that you spend a lot of time together, and that you’re contractually obligated to do all these conventions and photo shoots and the like together,” she stated patiently as Jensen suppressed the impulse to squirm under her scrutiny, “but don’t you think y’all are a little too close? I mean, with the way the world is right now, Jensen, anything goes, I know, and it’s not that far of a leap for people to take when they see the two of you together. People talk. They say things. Untrue, unkind things. I don’t like it.”

Jensen gulped, his face reddening with every word she’d said, until he gave in to the urge to pull the collar of his t-shirt away from his neck. “Momma…”

“Just listen to me for a second, Jensen, let me speak.” She pursed her lips and stared at her clasped hands in her lap. “You’re not a boy any more, you’re a grown man. I don’t need to spell things out for you to understand what I’m saying here. I don’t like this kind of talk about my son, Jensen. I don’t.” She sighed softly. “It doesn’t make me a bad person, I hope, but this… You know it’s not done. It’s not something… It’s not a way of life we believe in. It’s not something your father and I can condone.”

His heart thudding erratically in his chest, he took a deep breath before looking at his mother. “It’s not like that. We’re just friends. That’s all it is.”

“Then what you’re doing with that boy…” Donna shook her head. “I don’t understand it, Jensen. You’re not like this with your other friends, and you’ve known some of them for years. You were never like this with your friends in school. Why is he so different?”

“I don’t know,” he mumbled, his voice a whisper, uncertain and timid, and he hated it.

“Perhaps it would be better then, if you kept a reasonable distance from him.”

Jensen’s startled gaze collided with hers. “Absolutely not! You can’t ask me to do that! I can’t believe you just said that!”

Donna took a deep breath and, leaning forward, cupped his cheek with her hand. “Think of how Danneel must feel,” she said, her words and the implication behind them cutting into Jensen’s skin like a series of sharp nicks from a razor’s blade. “That girl is beautiful and sweet and she dotes on you, baby. She doesn’t deserve this kind of talk about her man.”

Jensen nodded shakily, not quite knowing how to respond to that – to any of it. “I never meant…” he started, only to be interrupted by the sound of his father’s voice in the living area of his hotel suite. His mouth clamped shut.

Donna studied him for a second and then nodded as if satisfied with whatever expression he’d had on his face just then. “I’m glad we had this talk, Jensen. And I’m glad we understand each other.”

And as he watched her walk away, all welcoming smiles for his father and Jared, who had returned bearing Thai take-out, Jensen’s only thought was that he didn’t understand a single goddamn thing anymore.

Jared kept shooting him worried looks all through dinner, but he ignored them, every muscle in his body tense and his mind a mess. It didn’t help that his parents retired to their own room at the hotel only minutes after Jared had finally taken his leave, making Jensen think that they’d waited him out, just to make sure that he and Jared wouldn’t be alone together, and the thought made his stomach churn.

Regardless of the fact that he was battling his own demons regarding his newly discovered, perhaps not-so-platonic feelings for Jared, the stand that his parents – or at least his mother – seemed to have taken on the matter hurt him. Sure, his family was big on religion and the teachings of their church, but he’d have hoped they would be more open-minded where his happiness was concerned. Not that he was gay, of course, but what if he was?

In that instant, his inner turmoil suddenly made more sense. If you spend a lifetime hearing that something was wrong, and you found yourself leaning towards doing it anyway, there was bound to be a guilt trip or two involved, right? He vaguely wondered if the soul-searching and agonizing he had found himself doing every time he’d had a spare moment to think was worth it.

Was Jared worth it?

He closed his eyes and pictured his best friend. That was a definite no brainer. But was it worth losing his family? Jensen sighed. The debate was pointless. Jared was with Sandy, and no matter how handsy he was with Jensen, nothing would change the fact that his co-star was straighter than an arrow, while Jensen was apparently more...bendy.

He groaned and punched his pillow, venting his frustration, and he wasn’t surprised when his phone rang at just that second. “Hey Jay.”

“You wanna tell me what was up with you tonight?”

“No.”

“Jensen.”

“Jared.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

God, where to start? “No.”

“Christ, you’re annoying.”

“Leave it, Jared. It was just some family stuff; it’s not important.”

“If it put that look on your face, it’s important. If it upsets you, it’s important to me.”

Jensen sighed. “Why is it that I have no resistance when it comes to you?”

“Because you love me,” Jared stated, and Jensen could hear his smile across the cell phone signal. Then Jared huffed in his ear. “Talk to me, Jen. S’what I’m here for.”

Jensen chose his words carefully. “My mom asked me to do something,” he confided quietly, “something I don’t agree with. And even though I’m not sure about any of it, I know her stance is wrong.”

“She’s still your momma,” Jared replied when Jensen couldn’t find the words to continue, “but you’re an adult now. She’s got to know that she can’t lay down the law for you, no matter how much we consider ourselves good sons. You’ve made your own way in the world for far too long. ‘Sides, she raised you right; she’s got to trust in that.” Jensen’s throat tightened; sometimes Jared understood him in ways no else in his life had ever seemed to. He sniffed a little, stayed silent and let Jared’s smooth Texan twang soothe him like a balm for his soul. “You’ve got the biggest heart of anyone I know, Jensen,” he declared with conviction. “Whatever you decide, that’s the right answer. Have faith in yourself, man.”

“Hmm.”

“Do you need me to come over?”

Jensen chuckled. “Didn’t you just get done calling me a grown man? I don’t need you to hold my hand, Jay.”

“I’m grown…”

“And how.”

“Shut up. I’m grown and I still need someone to lean on sometimes. You. I lean on you all the time. It’s not a sign of weakness, Jen, it’s just comfort, and you know I’m here for you any time you need me.” Jared sighed. “You don’t need to front with me. Just be.”

“You’re the best friend I’ve ever had,” Jensen said, after a few seemingly endless seconds of silence. It wasn’t what he’d meant to say, but apparently his subconscious had other ideas. “You know that, right?”

“I know it.”

“I’d do just about anything for you.”

“Right back at ya.”

“I think maybe when my parents head back south, you need to take me out and get me good and drunk.”

“Consider it done.”

“Awesome,” Jensen murmured around a wide yawn, his fatigue finally getting the better of him. “I’m gonna hit the sack.”

“You’re not in bed already?”

“I am. Just…couldn’t sleep.”

“You feeling better now?”

“Yeah. Thanks, Jay.”

“You don’t ever need to thank me. I’m always gonna want to look out for you, Jen,” he whispered, “and now maybe both of us can get some sleep.”

“Mmm…” Jensen closed his eyes and settled into his pillow, sleep pulling him under, bit by bit. “G’nite, Jay.”





I keep thinking in a moment that
time will take them away
but these feelings won't go away
they've been knockin' me sideways



His parents only stayed a few days, but it was more than enough for Jensen to be climbing walls by the time he dropped them off at the airport. He hadn’t seen Jared outside of the Supernatural sets since their arrival that first night when his mother had ripped him apart with her words and Jared had, just as easily, sewn him back together again.

When it was finally over, when he was finally alone again, he couldn’t stop himself from driving right over to Jared’s, straight from the airport, despite assuring his mother that he would try to leave well enough alone, despite trying to convince himself that he wasn’t falling for his best friend. It would tear him apart eventually, he knew, but he couldn’t seem to stop his forward momentum. He just wanted to be happy, and with Jared, he was; right now, it was as simple – and as complicated – as that.

And when Jared answered his door – a big grin on his face as soon as he saw Jensen, as he pulled him close and enveloped him in that familiar embrace, as his whispered I missed you, man resounded in Jensen’s ear and reverberated through Jensen’s mind and body – all his good intentions and promises to his mother dissipated into dust, carried away by the cool Vancouver wind.









  



Tags: j2, qbfic, rps, the courtship of jensen's co-star
Subscribe

  • Epiphany: Donna

    Title: Epiphany: Donna Ackles Rating: PG-15 Word Count: Approx. 6K Warnings: Outsider POV. Angst. The use of derogatory terms and mentions of…

  • Epiphany: Sherri

    Title: Epiphany: Sherri Padalecki Rating: PG-13 Word Count: Approx. 7K Warnings: Outsider POV. Schmoop on the sidelines, courtesy of J2. Miss…

  • Woohoo! And an Update! And a Happy Birthday, too!

    First off, a huge thank you to whomever was responsible for this awesomeness: Category: Steve/Danny Romance This is seriously cool.…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

  • 20 comments

  • Epiphany: Donna

    Title: Epiphany: Donna Ackles Rating: PG-15 Word Count: Approx. 6K Warnings: Outsider POV. Angst. The use of derogatory terms and mentions of…

  • Epiphany: Sherri

    Title: Epiphany: Sherri Padalecki Rating: PG-13 Word Count: Approx. 7K Warnings: Outsider POV. Schmoop on the sidelines, courtesy of J2. Miss…

  • Woohoo! And an Update! And a Happy Birthday, too!

    First off, a huge thank you to whomever was responsible for this awesomeness: Category: Steve/Danny Romance This is seriously cool.…