do you hear me?
I'm talking to you
across the water
across the deep, blue ocean
under the open sky
oh my, baby, I'm trying
Angels and demons, broken seals, Lucifer rising from the depths of hell, and working Saturdays, all conspired to put a serious crimp in Jensen’s plans for romance.
In fact, he and Jared were exhausted at the end of the day and even though the nights were amazing – who knew the simple act of sleeping was so goddamn miraculous when the person lying in bed with you loved you and you loved them and life was good because you both knew it now? – none of it made up for the fact that they weren’t getting this relationship off the ground where the romance was concerned.
Jensen shoveled some mashed potatoes into his mouth and tried not to lean into Jared’s warm body too much. They were at work, after all, eating in the food tent where anyone could see them, so it was only reasonable to maintain some semblance of decorum; that’s what Jensen kept trying to tell himself anyway. He was stupidly grateful when Jared wrapped an arm around him and smooched him on the side of his head.
“Just a few more hours and it’ll be Sunday, babe,” he whispered in Jensen’s ear, and the endearment went right to his gut.
Had he always been this sappy, Jensen wondered absently as Jared let him go, that arm that had been around his shoulders sliding in a slow trail down his back, squeezing a little at his waist before it was all the way gone and Jared turned his attention to his own dinner, or was this a Jared-induced trend? Something had to be seriously wrong with him because Jared calling him babe or baby made him yearn to hear other sweet little nothings like – and Jensen flushed hotly at just the thought of it – darlin’, maybe, or sugar, in Jared’s deep, sultry Texan twang.
Jensen suppressed a full body shiver and Jared looked at him in concern.
“You make me crazy.”
“You were crazy when I met you,” Jared argued and Jensen grinned, putting more food in his mouth to distract himself from silly, wayward, girly thoughts.
Just then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw Genevieve leave the buffet table, a laden plate in her hands, and without really thinking about it, he called out her name and waved her over. She looked surprised and a little intimidated when she approached their table, and Jensen could feel Jared’s astonishment too, but he ignored it and smiled at her, pointing at the seat across from them.
“Thanks,” she replied, smiling tentatively.
Under the table, Jared’s hand squeezed Jensen’s thigh in approval, and Jensen smiled wider, having his first real conversation with Genevieve since she’d joined the cast way back when. A few minutes later, Misha joined them, and random members of the crew dropped by their table on and off as they talked and laughed and relaxed before everyone was called back on set.
It was nice, and it may not have excused Jensen’s earlier behavior towards Genevieve, but it was a start.
What made it even better was Jared’s reaction to it; Jensen got a cupcake, a big, dimpled smile, an understated hug, and a whispered, Thanks. I love you.
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
you make it easier when life gets hard
The next week wasn’t much better, and they were both so beat that even thinking hurt. They went through the motions: get up, get to work, eat, drink, act, get tired, get home, fall into bed, fall into each other, fall into sleep.
“I promise I will romance you as soon as I can keep my eyes open for more than an hour straight,” Jensen said, snuggling into Jared’s embrace. It was Friday night, but they were scheduled to work again on Saturday, and on location no less, so yeah, he wasn’t up for much more than sleeping.
Jared hummed in agreement and lazily licked the back of Jensen’s neck before pressing an open-mouthed kiss there. “So, I’ve been thinking…”
“Alert the press…”
Jared pinched his ass and Jensen squeaked in surprise. “If we ever get this dating thing out of the way, and you romance me the way you want, and we finally get to the good stuff,” Jared teased, his smile apparent against Jensen’s skin, “do you think you’d wanna fuck me or get fucked?” Jensen choked on air as Jared continued, unperturbed. “’Cause I’ve been doing some research…”
“What kind of research?” Jensen couldn’t help but ask, his voice breathy and meek.
“Gay sex research,” Jared elaborated and Jensen gulped. “And I’m thinking we should get cracking on that.” There was another kiss to his nape as Jared nuzzled him. “Have you thought about it?”
“Maybe,” Jensen hedged, “once or twice.” Or endlessly, especially since that night Jared had blown him.
Jensen inhaled deeply as Jared’s hand slipped down to his belly and just…stayed, fingers spread, warm and possessive, the tip of Jared’s pinky tucked into the waistband of his boxers. His breath left his lungs in a loud whoosh. “What was the question?”
“Would you top or bottom?” Jared asked, his voice a deep drawl in Jensen’s ear and how was he supposed to think with every nerve in his body firing in response to that voice and the touch of those big hands on him?
“’Cause I’m thinking I wanna fuck you,” Jared whispered, right into his ear, and Jensen's dick gave an eager twitch, as if trying to reach out and touch Jared. It was both pathetic and wonderful, and Jensen was pretty sure that he could’ve come from the images in his head alone.
What? It had been a long fucking year, all right?
“Yeah,” he rasped in response before clearing his throat, “sounds good to me.”
“Yeah,” Jared agreed, and Jensen felt that damnable smile on his skin again, “especially since you’re all pretty and petite, with your sweet, sexy ass and all these cute little freckles everywhere, and I can’t wait to see your gorgeous green eyes looking up at me as I sink right into you... Mmm, I’m gonna kiss you everywhere…” Jared twisted Jensen in his arms until they faced each other, the hand that had been on his belly laying against the small of his back now, slipping slowly, inexorably downwards. “I’m gonna make every beautiful part of your body mine. Soon as we wrap this season,” he vowed, his big hand cupping and squeezing Jensen’s ass. “I’m gonna take my time, mark every single inch of your skin. Gonna learn what makes you shiver and flush and I’m gonna do it every night, keep at it until I can map out all the freckles on your body in the dark, like constellations in the sky…” He paused to kiss Jensen’s gaping, panting mouth. “Then I’m gonna pretend to forget, just so I can go back and do it all again.”
Jensen blinked at him, Jared’s words having rendered him stupid. “I’m beginning to think romance is overrated,” he said, grasping for breath and coherence. “How ‘bout we skip straight to the sex?”
Jared laughed, and the sound, sexy and husky, did wonderful things to Jensen’s dick, and when he spoke, it put Jensen in mind of a humid, sultry Texas night. “Oh no, cowboy, ain’t no way you’re gettin’ outta courtin’ me.” He pulled Jensen in flush against his chest. “’Sides, I like teasin’ you like this. It’s like payback for all those times I got to look and not touch…”
“You touched me all the damn time!”
“Not the way I wanted… Not like this,” Jared whispered, his hands and legs everywhere until Jensen was hopelessly tangled up in him, ensnared in his octopus-limbs with no chance for freedom. “This…this is what I wanted. This slow, sweet rush,” he said softly, pressing a kiss to Jensen’s eyelashes, “this anticipation. You. And when we do do this…” Jared paused, biting his bottom lip, and Jensen knew his cue when he heard it.
“You said do do,” he teased, his voice breathless as he suddenly wondered how long they’d really been fooling around like this. All that friendly banter since the day they’d met – had that been flirting?
“I did say do do,” Jared responded, his smile bright enough to light up Jensen’s entire world.
“What else were you saying?” Jensen prodded gently, when it seemed that Jared was a bit distracted. “When we do do this…what?”
“I want it slow,” Jared said on a soft puff of breath, “I want to take my time and not worry about an early call in the morning, or someone on the phone, or any of a dozen other interruptions. I want my sole focus to be on you. Think you can handle that?”
Jensen blinked, his heart racing from being Jared’s sole focus on him right now. He just nodded; speech was out of the question. Jared seemed to understand that, though, and he didn’t protest when Jensen turned around again, facing away from him, but still in the circle of his arms, still close, still touching everywhere.
And so Jensen fell asleep without getting any, but with Jared’s words still teasing the edges of his subconscious, at least his dreams were sweet.
Saturday dawned dull and dreary, cool but not cold, and there was sunshine in the forecast for later, but it wasn’t like they were given a chance to enjoy it.
Location shoots also came with the added inconvenience of not being able to hide in their trailers between shots; by noon, they’d already been at it for six hours and Jensen was jonesing for a shot of Jared, and if the positively indecent looks Jared kept shooting him were anything to go by, Jared knew it, the overgrown bastard.
It almost made him long for the good old days when Jensen was in denial and Jared was oblivious. Almost, but not quite, he thought, as Jared came up behind him and slung an arm around his shoulders. Jensen gratefully collapsed into his broad chest.
“We’ve been in every scene together since we got here, moron.”
“Oh, there’s my crabby baby,” Jared teased, giving him a squeeze. “I’ve missed him. You’ve been way too accommodating and sweet these past couple of weeks.”
“Shuddup. You’re the crabby one. I’m…fishy.” Jared’s chest shook with laughter at his back, but whatever, exhaustion did not give way to witty repartee, okay?
“So, I’ve been thinking…” Jensen resisted the urge to groan as Jared continued, his voice a whisper in Jensen’s ear as they watched the crew set up their next shot. “Why should you get to have all the fun in this relationship while I do all the work? So, maybe we should try this with you fucking me…” Jensen’s brain short-circuited. “I wanna ride you…”
“It’d be hot, don’t you think? You’re actually big enough that I wouldn’t have to worry about hurting you or crushing you…”
“Or come to think of it,” Jared mused, obviously lost in thought while Jensen was slowly growing hard in Dean’s jeans, “you’re pretty strong. Bet if I fuck you, I could go hard and fast and really give it to you, you know?” Jensen whimpered as the evil sonuvabitch he loved more than life itself chuckled quietly in his ear. “Would you like that, Jen? Does it turn you on that I’m so much bigger than you?”
“God, yes,” Jensen moaned, quite against his will. Jared’s big body, his big hands, his big heart – all of it turned Jensen on.
“Huh,” Jared mumbled, then gave him a little squeeze and ruffled his hair. “Oh, look. They’re ready for us. Back to the grind, Ackles.”
And with that and a slap to his ass, Jared was gone.
Jensen wondered if he would get lucky later that night when they fell into bed, because it would soon be Sunday, and they didn’t need to be anywhere, but no, Jared just wanted to cuddle. And talk. Christ.
It was a damn good thing that Jensen was too tired to get either his ire or his prick up.
“So, I’ve been thinking…”
“Jared, please, I’m beggin’ you,” Jensen pleaded, “every time you think, I get blue balls.”
Jared giggled – yeah, giggled – and kissed the tip of Jensen’s nose, blinking and looking like butter wouldn’t melt in his pretty mouth. “Get your mind outta the gutter, jerk. I just wanted to talk to you about what we’re gonna do when we wrap filming.”
“Sleep. Fuck. Sleep some more. Eat. Drink. Fuck some more. Maybe go on a date or two.”
“I’m glad you have all your priorities straight.”
“Ain’t nothing straight about my priorities.” Jared giggled again, and boy, he must be really tired to not hold that back. Jensen hugged him close, brushed his silky hair off his forehead, and kissed him. “Love you.”
Jared beamed. “Love you, too. C’mere.”
“Idiot. I’m already here.”
“There’s still like an inch between us.”
“You’re like a furnace…”
“Well, you’re always cold…”
“Match made in heaven…”
“If heaven actually makes gay matches.”
“Who’s to say they don’t? This feels pretty heavenly to me.”
“Probably like sacrilege or something…”
“Hey! Our love is a beautiful thing.”
“Wish everyone thought that,” Jensen said without thinking, and then bit his lip.
Jared stared at him. “Who doesn’t think that?”
“No one.” Jared just kept up his silent, steady perusal. “My mom.”
“Oh.” Jared looked a little devastated. “Baby. I’m so sorry,” he said softly, pressing a kiss to Jensen’s forehead. “So that’s why you keep changing the topic every time I ask what we’re gonna do for hiatus, huh?”
“Yeah,” Jensen breathed, knowing he had to come clean. “That’s why I needed you in Temple. I’d just come out to her, told her I was in love with you…” Jensen trailed off, swallowing against the emotion welling in his throat, thankful that Jared stayed silent but supportive, his hand rubbing soothing circles over Jensen’s back. “She knew, you know? She knew long before I even admitted it to myself.”
“Yeah. She said that she and my dad didn’t approve, it went against everything they believed in, and…” Jensen paused for breath, staring at the hollow of Jared’s throat. “She asked me to choose. Them or you. I picked you.” He sighed. “End of story.”
“You picked me?” Jared looked stunned. “Just like that?”
“I will always pick you,” Jensen told him seriously as he watched the colors change in Jared’s eyes.
Jared gathered him closer, and Jensen went, tucking his head into the crook of Jared’s neck, loving the comfort and safety of finally being able to let his guard down with someone so completely, being able to trust that it would never come back and hurt him somehow. Just like he’d done since the day they’d met, Jared barged through and took down his every defense, and for once, Jensen didn’t begrudge his ability to do so. Jared pressed one kiss after another to the top of his head.
“I’m so sorry, Jensen,” Jared whispered. “And you had to go through all that alone…”
“I had you, even if you didn’t know it,” Jensen assured him. “That night in Temple meant a lot to me.”
“I wish you’d told me…told someone.”
“I told Danni,” Jensen informed him, and Jared pulled back to look at him in newfound understanding.
“That’s why you went to Belize.”
“Yeah. I had to get away.”
Jared laughed a little self-disparagingly. “I thought…you were trying to work things out with her.”
“What? No! No, just getting a second opinion on what to do about you.”
“Second opinion?” Jared asked quizzically. “Whose was the first?”
Jensen rolled his eyes. “Chad.”
“What?” Jared sputtered in surprise. “My Chad?”
“He’s the one who told me I was in love with you. He made me confront it...”
“My Chad told you that you were in love with me?”
“With a PowerPoint presentation full of photographic evidence and some very drunken epiphanies, but yeah.” Jensen smiled, happy that he could look back and do that now instead of wallowing in angst like he used to. He could get used to the idea of maybe having a happy ending; he’d never thought to covet one of those for himself before.
“How come he never talked to me about any of this?” Jared wondered aloud.
“You were with Sandy. And I was probably an easier target.”
“Is that why y’all got so close all of a sudden?”
“We’re close?” Jensen considered that. “Yeah, I s’pose. He’s all right. 'Course, he also told me to get out, find a hot guy and get laid.”
“I’ll kill him…”
“Whoa, tiger.” Jensen pulled him back when it looked like Jared was about to get out of bed and go catch the next flight to North Carolina. “Water under the bridge.”
“Still, I wanna know what he said, the little twerp.”
Jensen chuckled and then yawned. “Tomorrow. I’ll amuse and entertain you with the tale: Jensen and his Fairy Godfather.”
Jared laughed. “I’m glad you had someone to talk to, even if it was Chad.”
“You were right about him: Underneath all the crap on the surface, dude’s got a good heart.”
They lay there in silence after that, both of them lost in their own thoughts before Jensen’s eyes started to slide closed, so Jared leaned over to turn off the bedside lamp and Jensen turned over to his right side. “Assuming the position?” Jared asked him as he pulled him close, and Jensen smiled into his pillow.
“Can’t help it if I can only fall asleep on my right side.”
“S’okay. I maybe have a thing for you like this, little spoon.”
“You know it.” Jared kissed his nape, slow and loving, and then sighed. “We’ll work things out with your family, Jen. They’ll come around, you’ll see.”
“You sound pretty confident there…”
“I am. They love you, Jensen. They’re your family. In the end, that’s all that’s gonna matter.”
“I don’t know, man.”
“You come home with me when hiatus starts,” Jared said, “before we head out to Sydney mid-April. When we get back, we’ll go see your folks and talk it out.”
“What if it doesn’t work? Momma told me I wasn’t welcome there anymore, Jay.”
“What about your daddy?”
“He hasn’t said anything, but at least he still calls me. My mom hasn’t spoken to me since.”
“So, we’ll work on your daddy first. Or Josh. Or Mack. We have to tell them all sometime, right?”
“What about your family?” Jensen asked, the thought suddenly occurring to him. “Are you gonna tell them too?”
Jared smiled and kissed his cheek. “They already know, Jensen.”
His eyes now accustomed to the dark, Jensen twisted around to look at Jared. “They do? And they’re okay with it?”
“Well, it was a bit of a shock at first, but they got over it, and they adore you, so…”
Jensen pondered that for a moment, and he was glad Jared hadn’t been hurt by his family. “Well, I am adorable.”
Jared chuckled. “Yes, you are.”
“So maybe we can do this?”
“No maybes about it.”
“Have I told you lately that I love you?”
“Tell me again anyway.”
“I love you.”
“Me too, baby. I love you, too.”
though the breezes through the trees
move so pretty, you're all I see
as the world keeps spinning round
you hold me, right here, right now
Jensen struggled to open his eyes when their bedroom filled with morning sunlight, but it required too much effort and he was still so weary, he felt it in his bones. Staying in bed for a good week sounded like a fabulous idea.
“Hey, sleepyhead,” Jared’s voice sounded in his ear, “wakey, wakey.”
“Come on, I already let you sleep ‘til noon.”
Was it really that late? “Five more minutes.”
Jared chuckled. “That’s what you said an hour ago.”
Jensen had no recollection of waking up before this, and he absently wondered if he was coming down with something. “Mean it this time.”
“Jen, come on, wake up,” Jared whined. “Let’s go for a walk in the woods with the kids. Have a picnic.”
“Don’t wanna. Wanna sleep.”
“You can take a nap after our walk, under your favorite tree in the backyard.”
“Only have the one tree, idiot,” Jensen mumbled into his pillow. “’Sides, I can nap right here.”
“Jensen. I promised the kids we’d take them for a walk…”
“Bed’s comfier than the backyard.”
“I made sandwiches.”
“You can bring me sandwiches in bed.”
“So not gonna happen.”
“Knew it. You love the kids more than you love me,” he grumbled, sticking out his bottom lip in what felt like the mother of all pouts, and it was totally worth it to hear Jared’s booming laugh bounce off the bedroom walls. Jared pinched his lip between his thumb and forefinger and leaned in, kissing his mouth.
“Sometimes you are just too cute for words.” Jensen tried not to grin at that, and it was easy because Jared still had a grip on his bottom lip, although his thumb caressed the soft skin there in a manner that was way too distracting. “Come on, wake up. The fresh air’ll do us both some good. It’s a beautiful day outside…” Jared wheedled, leaning in until his lips brushed against the shell of Jensen’s ear. “Jensen, please come with me. I don’t wanna go alone.”
“Oh, all right,” Jensen groused, capitulating completely and that hold Jared had over him was just so unfair. Jared grinned and helped him up, ushering him into the bathroom, kissing him before shutting the door and leaving Jensen to it. Since Jensen seemed to be operating on only one speed today – slow – he took twice as long as usual to get showered and dressed and at the end of it, as he made his way down the stairs and to the kitchen, he still felt lethargic and half-asleep.
“Right here, princess,” Jared teased, smiling at him and holding out a coffee cup. “You want me to hold the mug against your mouth? Maybe drink it for you too?”
Jensen leaned gratefully into Jared’s body. “Yes?”
“Oh, all right, gimme.” He grabbed his precious brew and snuggled into Jared’s warmth as Jared ran a hand through his hair.
“I love it when you don’t put stuff in your hair.”
Jared smiled. “Nothing. Let’s go.”
Pouring his second (and third) cup of coffee into his extra-large travel mug, he followed Jared and the dogs outside, all four of them making their way to the woods that their property backed onto.
“I wanna split the mortgage.”
Jensen smiled as Jared blinked at him, obviously not following the conversation; a second ago, they’d been talking about Harley chasing a squirrel. “This is our home now. I know I’ve been pitching in and paying some of the bills so far, but I wanna make it official.”
“So you want to go halfsies on the mortgage?” Jared asked, a smile tugging at his lips.
“To make this – us – official?”
Jensen’s smile mirrored Jared’s. “Okay.”
They walked and talked and played with the dogs for a couple of hours before turning back and heading home, the sun warm on their backs, which was surprising for Vancouver in March, the sky cornflower blue above them where it wasn’t marred with big, gray-tinged clouds, birds chirping, and the river rushing through the trees in the distance.
When they let themselves into the backyard, Jared grabbed a blue tarp from the deck and laid it down under the tree, and then, grinning and asking Jensen and the dogs to stay, he disappeared into the kitchen, coming back a few seconds later with a wicker picnic basket and a red gingham cloth that he put down over the tarp.
He sat down under their cherry tree and patted the space next to him.
“You weren’t kidding about the picnic,” Jensen said, more than a little charmed.
“I would never kid about picnics,” Jared breathed, mockingly affronted. “Or sandwiches.”
Turned out the big picnic basket contained a smorgasbord of their favorite things, including treats for Harley and Sadie.
They ate and talked some more and just enjoyed the day, the dogs lazily dozing next to them, and boy, did they have the right idea. Jensen snuck a look at Jared, who was reading a book he’d brought, and without really thinking about it, he shuffled and shifted closer, pushing Jared’s legs apart and then settling into the vee they made, grabbing the book out of Jared’s hand and tossing it, pulling both his arms around Jensen’s body instead as he leaned back against Jared’s broad, muscular chest and heaved a contented sigh.
“Comfy?” Jared asked, a smile in his voice.
“You promised me a nap.”
“Not on me.”
“You’re softer than the ground.”
“You better not be calling me fat, Ackles,” Jared joked, tugging affectionately on Jensen’s hair.
Jensen poked him in his six pack abs, thrilled when Jared giggled like the Pillsbury doughboy. Every time, Jensen mused with a smirk, and it never got old. “Naw...just a little pudgy.”
“Am not. This is all muscle,” Jensen retorted, patting his abdomen.
“Yeah. Don’t think I didn’t see you playing skins and shirts soccer on the lot yesterday while I was filming my scenes. In the rain, no less. I’m vetoing you ever playing skins again. You, half-naked and wet, are way too much for the crew to handle.” Jared’s big hand settled across Jensen’s belly, before sneaking its way under his t-shirt to rub the teeniest, tiniest of pooches there. “Still, gotta cut down on the beer, man.”
“You take that back.” Jared chuckled but didn’t move his hand, squeezing and rubbing and suddenly Jensen was both a little turned on and a little worried. He frowned. Maybe he really did need to up the number of crunches in his workout routine. “You think?”
“No, baby girl, those shorts don’t make you look fat,” he teased, and then paused, his chest shaking with suppressed laughter. “Then again, black is very slimming.”
“Jackass,” Jensen grumbled, walloping him on the thigh. Jared chuckled and pulled him closer, his dick a semi-hard presence in the small of Jensen’s back, but both of them ignored it in favor of sharing a kiss. When they pulled back, Jensen squinted suspiciously up at Jared. “Jay?”
“Is this a date?”
“You noticed, huh?”
“But I wanted to… You… Dammit. I wanted to do it.”
“Do what? The wooing?”
“Yes,” Jensen replied sullenly, trying not to pout and failing.
“You moron. Don’t you think I might want to do a little something special for you too?” Jared rolled his eyes at Jensen’s belligerent look and, pulling the picnic basket closer, took out a small white bakery box.
A small white bakery box that held a very large cupcake with pink icing and a tiny plaque on it that read, Happy Birthday Jensen.
Jensen blinked at Jared in surprise and got kissed for it. Thoroughly. “I forgot,” he said when he could talk again.
“I know. Happy birthday, babe,” Jared murmured against his mouth. “I love you, and I’m sorry but with us being so busy, this is the best I could come up with. I promise I’ll make it up to you later.”
Jensen kissed him again. “It’s perfect,” he proclaimed. “Best birthday ever.”
Jared rustled up a candle and some matches from the picnic basket and held the candlelit cupcake out to him. “Don’t forget to make a wish.”
“Already got everything I need,” Jensen murmured but he made his wish anyway, hoping this love and life he’d found with Jared would last forever. He blew out the candle and Jared broke off a bit of the cake and fed it to him, so Jensen obligingly licked the sweet frosting off his salty fingers. Between the two of them, they made short work of the cupcake and just as they were about to relax and take a nap, the skies opened up and it began to rain – ah, the joy of living in Vancouver – fat droplets of water startling the dogs awake and sending them scurrying for shelter. Jared stood and pulled Jensen to his feet, and in a flurry of activity, had the remnants of their picnic bundled up in the tarp and was standing on their covered back deck before he realized Jensen wasn’t with him.
“Jensen, goddammit,” he yelled over the sound of the suddenly torrential downpour, “get up here.”
“You come out here.”
“Are you crazy? Jensen! It’s pouring!”
“Who are you? The Wicked Witch of the West? You’re not gonna melt, get down here.” Jensen grinned up at him and stayed where he was, in the middle of the yard, trying not to shiver in the cold shower. “I wanna kiss you in the rain.”
Jared froze for a split second, and then he vaulted over the deck railing and stalked to where Jensen stood, getting drenched in an instant, clothes clinging to his body and hair plastered to his head.
He was gorgeous, and Jensen was blindsided when Jared reached him, cupping his face in those big, wonderful, warm hands of his as he kissed Jensen, deep and dirty, in the middle of their backyard, in the rain.
“See?” Jensen breathed when Jared pulled back, his chest rising and falling like he’d just run a marathon. “I can do romantic.” He frowned when Jared just kept staring at him. “Kissing in the rain is romantic, right?”
“You’re an idiot,” Jared said, and then laughed, shaking his wet hair out of his face. “A romantic idiot.”
Jensen beamed proudly. He had this romance shit in the bag. “Awesome. Can we go inside now? I’m freezing.”
they don't know how long it takes
waiting for a love like this
every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you, I promise you, I will
Jared got him inside and into a hot shower before Jensen could process what was happening. But then he was warm and dressed and snuggled in bed with Jared – yes, already, because it was his birthday, and who knew how Jared would help him celebrate?
So, of course, that's when his phone started ringing.
It was his dad, then Josh, then Jeff, and Mack and Megan called together because they were spending the weekend on a shopping spree in Manhattan, Mack shopping for the wedding dress of her dreams. His mom didn’t call, and Jared knew he needed it, so he hugged him and kept him close.
In between the calls from his family, Sherri and Gerry called together, so Jensen put them on speaker and talked to them while Jared teased him and made him feel warm and loved, even if they didn’t come clean about their relationship just yet. By unspoken agreement, they decided to keep it to themselves, a secret shared and special.
His mom still didn’t call.
When it got later, just as he was falling asleep, lax and boneless from a heavy make-out session with Jared, calls came in from Chris, and just afterwards, almost like they’d coordinated, from Steve and Jason who were playing a gig together in Texas somewhere. Tom called from Vancouver and Mike called from LA. Chad and Danneel called together and with a questioning look at Jared that got him an indulgent smile in return, he decided to tell them.
So much for keeping secrets. Still, this was Chad and Danni - being able to tell them was special.
“Happy Birthday, Jensen,” Danneel excitedly wished him.
“Yeah, Jenny, get Jay-bird to give you a big ol’ birthday blowjob, I dare you,” Chad challenged and Jared laughed. Chad’s voice when he spoke was shocked and contrite. “We’re on speaker?”
“You’re on speaker,” Jensen confirmed.
“It’s okay,” Jensen said, grinning as Jared gave him a smacking kiss so loud that it could probably be heard in the next province.
“Uh…” That was Danneel again, sounding cautiously optimistic.
Chad was more direct. “You two better be birthday fucking. Ow! Danni, the hell have I told you about hitting me, bitch?”
“Jensen,” Danneel breathed, “did you...? Are you...? Is he...?”
The shrieks of girly glee – from both Danneel and Chad – were deafening.
“Thank fuck!” Chad burst out. “Now we can return to our regularly scheduled programming and I can stop researching all that gay sex stuff for you, Ackles.”
“Please don’t do anything he tells you, he’s such a perv, I swear,” Danneel begged. “Do your own research. Trial and error. Practice makes perfect. And if you ever need any feedback or anything, I’m available to watch. And critique. You know, as an impartial third party.”
“Danni!” Jensen practically squawked as Jared laughed his stupid head off. “We haven’t even gotten that far yet!”
“Jensen Ackles hasn’t gotten his guy yet into bed yet?” She gasped in mock horror. “For sex, I mean. Gee, it must be love…”
“And here I was thinking you had game, man,” Chad tsked. “At least my boy’s not a pansy-assed pussy. Then again, I’ve seen him with you, so okay, yeah. You two saps are a disgrace to gay men everywhere.”
“Shut the fuck up, Chad.” Jared looked at Jensen. “Let’s disown him.”
“Dude, he’s your Chad.”
“But he’s your gay guru.”
“Whatever, assholes. I’ll remember this when I give the speech at your wedding.” Jensen blinked and Jared blushed, and in the ensuing silence, Danneel squealed and Chad groaned. “Jesus Christ. There better be good cake there, that’s all I’m saying.”
Danneel was more dignified in expressing her joy for them. “I just love happy endings, don’t you?”
Jensen sighed in contentment when he hung up with them and settled back into Jared’s embrace, glancing at the phone in his hand for a few long seconds before putting it back on the nightstand.
It was late, and his mother hadn’t called, and the warm, bright glow of happiness he’d felt all day long dimmed a little bit.
Turned out that kissing in the rain (and playing skins soccer in the rain, and a seemingly endless work week) is bad for your health.
Jensen got sick. And when Jensen got sick, he tended to get so sick that he looked, and more importantly felt, like he was at death’s door, miserable and mucusy, even a few days later.
Jensen raised his head from where it had face-planted on the kitchen table and looked at Jared questioningly. “Hmm?”
Jared laughed. “Did you want honey in your tea?”
“Oh.” Jensen blushed, and was about to hide his face when he realized he could blame it on the fever. “Coffee?” he asked hopefully.
“Nope. No coffee until you’re better.”
“’Kay then, yes, honey.”
Jared added the honey, stirred the tea and put the cup down in front of Jensen, all with a pleased little smile tugging at his mouth. “Honey for my honey.”
Jared kissed the top of his head. “It’s okay, sweetheart, ain’t nothing to be embarrassed about.”
“Quit being mean to me. I’m sick.”
“Anyone ever tell you what a big baby you are when you’re sick?”
“My mom. Frequently.” And oh, thinking that just sent him into a deeper funk. Bad enough Jared was leaving him; he didn’t need to be more depressed right now. “Go, Jay, or you’ll miss your flight,” he told Jared, after he was free of the hug Jared had given him. “Don’t wanna disappoint the fans in Jersey. They paid good money to see you. Can’t have both of us not there.”
What he really wanted to say was: Stay. Please don’t leave me. Screw the fans, I need you more.
He didn’t, of course, and so he stood aside as Jared left the house, him and Harley and Sadie watching morosely from the front window as Jared’s cab drove off to the airport, all three of them wallowing in their sadness together as they went upstairs and cuddled in bed. And the tears threatening in Jensen’s eyes were headache- and fever-induced, okay? Nothing left to see here, move along.
To make matters worse, he hadn’t even gotten a kiss goodbye for fear of Jared catching his cold from hell, and so instead he settled in to wait for Jared’s call.
It never came, but Jared did, a couple of hours later.
Jensen blinked in surprise, still moving in slow motion as he watched the dogs jump up and greet their daddy, Jared smiling sweetly at him as he dropped his suitcase by the bedroom door, took off his jacket and toed off his shoes. He sank down onto the bed next to Jensen and pulled him into his arms, smoothing back his disheveled, slightly greasy hair and whispering soothing words into his ear. “Sleep,” he said, kissing every inch of his face, including the somewhat snottier parts, and if that wasn’t a declaration of true love, Jensen didn’t know what was. “I’m here now. I got you.”
And because Jensen couldn’t leave well enough alone where Jared was concerned, he asked, “What about the con?”
“I called the organizers,” Jared told him, “told them I had to decline for personal reasons.” He grinned down at Jensen. “Couldn’t tell them my baby was sick and needed cuddles, no matter how much I wanted to.”
“Your eyes are more gray than green when you’re sick,” Jared commented, cupping Jensen’s cheek so that his thumb could graze softly over his eyelashes. “Still pretty though.”
“Yours are pretty all the time,” Jensen said, smiling when Jared preened and obligingly batted those pretty eyes. Dork. He snuggled closer, tucking his head into Jared’s neck, until his nose rested in the little hollow at the base of Jared’s throat. “Thank you,” he said a few moments later, grateful beyond measure as he selfishly clung to Jared, like a barnacle on a boat, and probably just as annoying.
“Anything for you, anytime,” Jared responded, his tone teasing and lighthearted as he continued to stroke Jensen’s hair. “Honey.”
lucky I'm in love with my best friend
lucky to have been where I have been
lucky to be coming home again
lucky we're in love in every way
lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
lucky to be coming home someday
This being in love business? Was fucking awesome.
Jensen couldn’t even remember why he’d never had the guts to give it a go before, but then again, a lot of the lovey-dovey stuff he was feeling was all down to Jared.
Jared, who would smile at Jensen, loopy and sweet, and then duck his head shyly, his cheeks reddening in embarrassment.
Jared, who would tease and taunt him mercilessly with his words and his kisses, and then do a one-eighty and be romantic and endearing and everything Jensen had ever wanted.
Jared, who would pull him in tight and growl possessively in his ear every time someone else got a little too close for his liking: My Jensen. Mine.
And Jensen took it all in, soaked it all up, and let his guard down when it was just him and Jared alone together – and why was it suddenly so impossible for people and the world to leave them alone?
Just like everything with Jared, being in love with him came easy to Jensen, as naturally as breathing.
Jensen, who banked all those smiles Jared sent his way, as if storing them away for a rainy day until he realized that he didn’t need to do that anymore because even the rainiest of days with Jared was awesome.
Jensen, who got hotter than the sun from Jared’s diabolical kisses, and his ruthless assault on all his senses, before, sometimes in the very next second, melting into a puddle at the fierce adoration in his eyes.
Jensen, who monopolized every second of Jared’s time in public and every inch of his body in private and hopefully every corner of his mind all the damn time: My Jared. Mine.
Jared, who couldn’t wait anymore.
Jensen, who was right there with him.
When the last ‘Cut!’ heralding the end of the fourth season was called, when the wrap party was done, when Sam and Dean were left clinging to each other in the aftermath of the last broken seal, Jensen and Jared were finally set free.
Jared had gotten him a weekend stay at a golf resort in Oregon for his birthday, had gotten it way back in December, for just the two of them, no show, nobody they’d know, no interruptions, nothing at all to get in the way of them, and Jensen rejoiced.
Time to get lucky.