‘cause the world they don’t understand
but I grow stronger in your hands
They decided to spend the interim between Oregon and Sydney in LA; even though Jensen knew Jared would’ve flown back home to San Antonio in a heartbeat, he stayed with Jensen, and no amount of convincing on Jensen’s part could get him to change his mind. And Jensen, greedy sonuvabitch that he was where Jared was concerned, let him, and kept him close, while they hung out with Steve and Chris and anyone else who happened to be around, in one of their homes, or at one of their gigs.
Tonight was the first night Danneel had been around to join them, and she’d brought her new guy with her.
“Jensen, you remember Matt, right? Chris, this is Matt Carlton.”
“Of course,” Jensen said, smiling and holding out his hand to the man Danneel had met on the flight from Belize. Chris followed suit. “How’s it going?”
“Great, thanks to you,” Matt replied, patting Jensen’s shoulder.
“What does that mean?” Chris asked, and Matt grinned.
“I was blinded by Danneel’s beauty...”
Jensen snorted. “I keep telling you it was the sun coming in through the window. Solar flares or some shit… Ow!”
“Shut it,” Danneel snapped, swatting him once more before smiling beatifically at her boyfriend. “You were saying, honey?”
Matt laughed. “So, blinded by her beauty and I wanted to…I dunno what exactly, but I wanted to do something…”
“It’s a good thing at least one of us has game,” Jensen mumbled, but Matt ignored him.
“So, yeah. Jensen was sitting next to me, and he told me to go for it and er…I did.”
“You’re so cute,” Danneel teased him as he smiled dopily at her. “Let’s go make out.”
And with that, the shameless hussy dragged her man off to some suitably dark corner of the club where Kane was playing that night.
Jensen turned to find Chris staring at him like he’d grown a second head. “What?” he asked, just as they were joined by Jared, Steve, and Jason returning from the bar with their drinks.
“You set up your hotass ex-girlfriend with that guy?” Chris asked without preamble, and Jensen shrugged, accepting a bottle of beer from Jared and soaking up his warmth as Jared slung an arm across his shoulders and leaned into him.
“So?” Chris sputtered. “Seriously? You spend a week with her in Belize and then you play matchmaker on the flight back?”
Jensen stared at Chris, unamused. “We’re friends. Belize was a vacation with a friend.”
“Do these friends have benefits?” Chris snapped, and was pointedly elbowed in the gut by Steve.
“Mind your own damn business.”
“I’m just saying,” Chris continued, ignoring Steve for the time being while Jared shifted uncomfortably at Jensen’s side. “You’ve been MIA for fucking ever. We never hear from you no more, and when we do, it’s like pulling fingernails just to get you to talk. Then you up and dump your Maxim model girlfriend and… Fuck, I just don’t get it, Jensen! I mean, hell, it’s even been a long while since we saw you photographed with someone. And this is you we’re talking about! Am I right or am I right?”
Steve actually looked a little pensive at that. “Yeah, he’s right, you have been flying solo at a lot of these things. Unless you count Jared, here. Who is prettier and more photogenic than a lot of girls we know, so maybe that’s a good thing.”
“Gee, thanks,” Jared quipped, playfully jostling Steve.
Of course, Jason had to add his two cents to the growing pile. “Well, you have been a little…reclusive recently.”
“A little?” Chris scoffed. “He’s been living like a hermit up there in Canada.”
Jensen gritted his teeth, letting out the breath he was holding when Jared squeezed his shoulder. “I’ve been busy with work.”
“I know the show is running you ragged, but we’re all busy with work, son,” Chris drawled. “Try again.”
Jensen didn’t, choosing instead to get into a staring contest with Chris, neither of them giving an inch, not until Steve sighed and clapped Chris on the back, reminding him that their set was about to begin. Jason was singing backup and playing guitar with them, so he disappeared too, leaving Jensen with Jared, just the way he liked it.
“Is that true?”
Jensen looked at Jared only to find his eyes fixed on the nearby stage where the band was setting up. “Is what true?”
“Have you not been talking to them?”
Jensen sighed. “Not by design. And it’s not like I’ve been actively ignoring them but we have been busy with work, and before that…”
“Before that,” Jared smiled a tiny shy smile, leaning down until his mouth brushed the shell of Jensen’s ear, “you were busy falling in love with me.”
Jensen laughed, loud and unrestrained, unaware that it drew the eyes of his friends to him; all he saw was Jared. “Yeah. I have my priorities, you know?”
“Mmm,” Jared nodded, taking a sip of his beer as Jensen tried not stare at the way his pretty lips wrapped around the rim of that lucky bottle. Jared smirked. “You okay there, champ?”
“I hate you.” Jensen took a sip of his own drink. “Do we have to stay?”
“Jared.” Jensen leaned in a little closer, pressing into Jared’s body, and no matter how unobtrusive it would appear to anyone watching, Jensen knew Jared could feel his hard length rubbing against his hip.
Jensen muffled his laugh in Jared’s shoulder. “Pot, meet kettle.”
“Shut up,” Jared admonished, mockingly affronted, even as he tightened his hold around Jensen’s shoulders. “I am in total control of my baser instincts.”
“Until you think you see some guy checking out my ass on the flight here and your baser instincts take over in an airport restroom and I’m walking funny for it.”
“You always walk funny, bowlegs.”
“You love my bowlegs.”
“God help me, I do,” Jared moaned, bending a bit until his mouth was level with Jensen’s ear. “Love the way they’re made to wrap around me when I fuck you.”
Jensen’s smile was smug and his hand on Jared’s back was just as possessive as Jared’s words had been. “I’ll bet.”
“You drive me crazy, Jensen,” Jared said, his voice breathy and low and turned on. He cast a glance to their right, to the stage where the band was setting up, Chris watching them like some sort of hawk. “How mad do you think they’d be if we disappeared for a while?”
Jensen winked and grinned cockily at his glowering friend, chuckling when Chris rolled his eyes and went back to adjusting the height of his mike stand. Shorty. “Like they’re gonna notice once the lights go down.”
Jared squeezed him a little harder. “Bar restroom?”
“Jared, I am the love of your life. Show a little class, man,” Jensen teased, leaning closer just because he could, but also because he couldn’t help himself. Jared laughed.
“I saw a seedy motel down the street.”
“Now you’re talking.”
kissing for hours, talking, making plans
I feel like a better man
just being in the same room
They spent a few nights with the guys, just so Chris would shut his trap, and besides, Jared was making up for the late nights they spent at a bar or a club with awesome morning sex that tended to wake Jensen up almost as well as a good shot of caffeine did. Almost, but not quite; he supposed it didn’t help that his post-orgasmic stupor sent him quickly back to sleep again.
Tonight they were at Steve’s place just outside LA, partying with people he hadn’t seen in a while, people he used to see all the time before moving up to Vancouver for Supernatural. It was nice to catch up with some of them, so-so with others, but Jensen smiled and made the rounds anyway, always keeping an eye on Jared wherever he was, making sure he was having a good time too, and every time their eyes met across the crowded room, Jensen felt grounded, calmed, and happy.
It was when he couldn’t find Jared for well over an hour that Jensen got a little worried. He walked around, nonchalant, seeking Jared out, but he had no luck, not until he left the crowd behind and ventured out onto the back porch, not where the pool was but off to the side, where there wasn’t a soul in sight except for Jared perched on the porch swing.
He smiled at Jensen’s approach. “Hey.”
“Hi,” Jensen answered, tucking a leg under his body as he settled into the seat beside Jared. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” Jared replied, “just needed some air. What’s your excuse?”
He looked at Jared and grinned. “Just needed some you.”
Jared smiled, those dimples of his winking at Jensen, entrancing him effortlessly before disappearing from view as Jared’s head fell against Jensen’s shoulder. Jensen obligingly wrapped his arm around Jared, pulling him closer, a little surprised when Jared stiffened in his arms. “Someone might come by.”
“So. You haven’t said anything to them. About us.”
“Did you want me to?” Jensen asked, absently stroking the hair at Jared’s nape. “Is that why you’ve been kinda quiet since we got here?”
“No. Not really.”
“Then what really?”
Jared raised his head to look at Jensen, his hazel gaze unwavering in its intensity. “Does it ever worry you how...wrapped up in each other we are?”
Jensen frowned. “Pretty sure we’ve been like this from day one, Jay. And you’ve never complained before.”
“I’m not complaining!” Jared hastened to reassure him. “I just mean, even if we’re…together now, is it weird that I hate being apart from you?”
“I hate being away from you too, so if that makes us crazy and co-dependent, then so be it.”
“So, it’s not weird?”
“Even in the beginning, Jay, I would rather spend a whole day with you than a minute with anyone else, and believe me when I say that that realization didn’t come easy. I’m used to enjoying my own company more than other people’s and yet somehow, I don’t know how to live my life without you in it anymore, and I don’t give a shit because I love that.” Jared smiled at him, sappy and sweet, but Jensen still frowned. “Where is this coming from?”
Jared’s eyes shifted a little guiltily. “Nowhere.”
Shoulders slumping, Jared sighed. “Chris may have made a comment…”
“That son of a bitch…”
“No, Jen,” Jared pleaded, pulling him back when he made to rise. “He has a point. I mean, I am kind of monopolizing your time. Maybe we should make a concerted effort to spend a little time apart. Especially during hiatus.” He bit his lip and seemed extremely interested in the nonexistent dirt under his fingernails. “It scares me sometimes, how much I need to be with you.”
“Jared, who the fuck cares what other people think?” Jensen scrubbed a hand down his face. “If I want to be with you and you want that too, then why does it matter? We wanna hang with our friends, we’ll do it together. Until the day comes when we get so sick of each other’s faces and we need our space to survive, we’ll just go with this flow. Why is it a problem?”
“It’s not a problem for me!”
“Well, yours is the only opinion I give a damn about!”
Jared cupped his face in his hands, his touch instantly soothing Jensen’s frayed nerves. “Okay. Okay.” He kissed the tip of his nose and then let go, leaning back against the seat – away from Jensen, dammit – and sighing. “I’m never gonna get sick of your face, by the way.”
“Who could blame you? It’s a nice face.”
“It’s a beautiful face.” Jared leaned over to kiss his cheek and then sat back again, blowing out a loud breath, his hand tapping out a rhythm on Jensen’s thigh. “It’s just that I know I can be a bit much, and I wanted to say that if you need…”
“I need you, Jared,” Jensen said softly, covering Jared’s hand with his. “You’re all I need.”
They sat there for another little while, the swing squeaking quietly as they swayed on it, just staring off into the night and listening to the quiet hum of music and voices coming from inside the house. Then Jensen made his move. Keeping his sly smile to himself, he faked a yawn and raised both his arms and stretched them out, cracking his back a little before letting one arm settle conveniently across the back of the swing, his fingers landing on Jared’s bicep as Jensen tightened his hold and pulled Jared in.
Jared turned to him with a knowing smirk. “Real slick, Zack Morris.”
Jensen laughed and then reached over to kiss him, sweet and slow. “Does that make you Kelly…or Slater?”
Jared looked affronted, and he leaned in to nip at Jensen’s bottom lip. “I am totally prettier than both of them.”
“You totally are, hot stuff.”
we never sleep there's just so much to do
so much to say
can't close my eyes when I'm with you
insatiable, the way I'm loving you
He cornered Chris before he left LA, because he couldn’t keep quiet about it, not after the cowardly way Chris had cornered Jared to rip into him, and they got into it – verbally, of course, although holding back physically was a close thing. It took Steve intruding on the conversation to calm Chris down, and Jason’s apologetic, guilty looks in Jensen’s direction to let the fight seep out of him. He made it quite clear to all of them that they were to butt out of his personal business, friendship or no friendship, and anything anyone needed to say to Jared could be said while he was around. Chris blustered, spouted something about loyalty, about how Jensen had known them longer. Jensen let him talk, until he was flustered and blue in the face, and once he was done, Jensen spoke.
And he got the last word in too, because it was kind of hard to top coming out of the closet and confessing your newfound love for your male co-star; Chris hadn’t stood a chance.